Worst. Vampire. Ever.
By Caissie St. Onge
(Ember, Paperback, 9780375868917, 240pp.)
Publication Date: May 10, 2011
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For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.) Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant. So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism. Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do?
Fans of the Vladmir Tod Chronicles, You are So Undead to Me, and Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side will feast on this deliciously readable, smart, and fantastically funny debut.
CAISSIE ST. ONGE is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer who's worked for The Late Show with David Letterman, The Rosie O'Donnell Show, and VH1's Best Week Ever, as well as a bunch of shows you probably haven't heard of (but that's okay). Caissie's written lots of other stuff, too, including commercials for soap, ice cream, and cell phones that starred some bigshot Hollywood celebrities, plus an infomercial for collectible coins that starred a prominent Pennsylvania numismatist. (But enough bragging.) Caissie lives in Connecticut with her husband and two sons, in a town that's a lot like the one described in these pages, but she's not a vampire . . . yet. This is Caissie's first novel.