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Today s brides are bombarded with wedding advice that promises perfection but urges achieving it through selfishness ( It s your wedding, and you can do whatever you like ), greed (choosing the presents that guests are directed to buy), and showing off ( This is your chance to show everyone what you re about ). Couples wishing to resist such pressure see elopement or a slapdash wedding as the only alternatives to a gaudy blowout. But none of these choices appealed to a bride who happened to have been brought up by Miss Manners. Judith Martin and her newlywed daughter, Jacobina, explain how to have a dignified ceremony and delightful celebration without succumbing to the now-prevalent pattern of the vulgar, money-draining wedding that exhausts families and exploits friends.

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