The Healing Choice
How to Move Beyond Betrayal
Publication Date: June 17, 2008
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You Are Not Alone
In the wake of betrayed intimacy, you may feel nauseated, angry, humiliated, desperate. Why am I not enough for him? Can our marriage be saved–and do I even want to try? Will this unbearable ache ever go away?
Amid the devastation that follows a spouse’s sexual disloyalty, you need to know that you are not alone. God walks alongside you, offering comfort and a promise to transform the pain of the present into hope for the future. In addition, there is a community of women who know firsthand the agony caused by a husband’s sexual compromises and who offer the compassion, strength, and biblical wisdom you need to make healthy decisions for yourself and your family.
The Healing Choice reveals the hope-filled stories of two such women, authors Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen, who draw on their own experiences and those of many others to offer step-by-step advice for rediscovering intimacy with God and finding the support you need to move toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration.
Their down-to-earth insights light the path toward help and healing for every woman who longs to move beyond the pain of broken trust and experience God’s promise of hope.
Brenda Stoeker is a registered nurse, mother of four, and seasoned marriage teacher with life experience in rebuilding a broken marriage. Together she and her husband, Fred, have counseled hundreds of couples struggling with issues related to sexual brokenness.
Susan Allen is a counselor who specializes in helping women create and maintain effective healing groups in churches and communities across the country. With husband Clay, she is the cofounder of Avenue, a ministry centered on healing and restoration from sexual brokenness.
“A rare, close-up view of the healing journey. Brenda’s and Susan’s parallel journeys–of wrestling with God and of finding support in the community of women–speak of hope in the midst of brokenness, acceptance in the face of unbelievable pain. Rather than allowing the devastation to crush their lives, these bold women chose to place their broken hearts and unmet dreams in God's holy hands. With amazing vulnerability, they show how wives can restore their fractured hearts, recover shattered marriages, and find help and healing regardless of their husband's choices."
–Barbara Rosberg, co-host of the nationally-syndicated radio show Dr. Gary and Barb, Your Marriage Coaches and co-author of Six Secrets to a Lasting Love
“What an empowering, freeing book! In The Healing Choice, Brenda and Susan open their lives and share how our choice to be whole is not dependent on the actions or choices of our husbands. Healing can begin now! Your life is not on hold until your husband is free. Freedom is yours regardless of where your husband is in his journey. Brenda and Susan, thanks for reaching beyond your pain to pour life into others.”
–Lisa Bevere, speaker, cofounder of Messenger International, and author of Fight Like a Girl and Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry
“This book hits very close to home. Fred’s and Clay’s struggle with lust and pornography are very similar to mine. And just like Susan, my wife came to the realization that to heal from such a deception can only come from a deeper walk and intimacy with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Brenda reminds all of us that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, and no matter what horrible circumstances we may end up facing, whether it be a drawn out tragic death of a dear loved one or a husband who has broken his marriage vows time and time again, Christ ultimately provides our hope of survival. Thank you, Brenda and Susan, for sharing your hearts with us so that we can see how the power of God truly transforms people here on earth.”
–Michael O’Brien, singer/songwriter/musician and former lead singer of Newsong
“Although it can certainly feel like an overwhelming challenge, complete forgiveness and healing isn’t an unattainable goal. Let Brenda’s and Susan’s insightful book walk you through the restoration process step-by-step. It’s a journey you’ll be forever glad you made.”
–Shannon Ethridge, M.A., best-selling author of the Every Woman’s Battle series and Completely His: Loving Jesus Without Limits
“The Stoekers and Allens continue to provide a message of wholeness to all who have been fortunate enough to experience their writings. Their contributions to the Body of Christ have been and continue to be immeasurable.”
–Mark Gungor, author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
“If a spouse has tragically betrayed you then The Healing Choice is one of the most important books you will ever pick up. What you will discover is that the authors, Brenda and Susan, will sensitively come alongside one of the darkest times of your life and then guide you through what can be a powerfully redeeming journey. Their wisdom comes not only out of their own pain, but from the grace that helped them and those they’ve supported to embrace restoration and hope.”
–Randy Phillips, D.D., former President of Promise Keepers, President of Passage