The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots
By Deborah Feldman
(Simon & Schuster, Hardcover, 9781439187005, 272pp.)
Publication Date: February 14, 2012
Other Editions of This Title: Paperback
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In the tradition of Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Infidel and Carolyn Jessop’s Escape, Unorthodox is a captivating story about a young woman determined to live her own life at any cost.
The Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism is as mysterious as it is intriguing to outsiders. In this arresting memoir, Deborah Feldman reveals what life is like trapped within a religious tradition that values silence and suffering over individual freedoms.
The child of a mentally disabled father and a mother who abandoned the community while her daughter was still a toddler, Deborah was raised by her strictly religious grandparents, Bubby and Zeidy. Along with a rotating cast of aunts and uncles, they enforced customs with a relentless emphasis on rules that governed everything from what Deborah could wear and to whom she could speak, to what she was allowed to read. As she grew from an inquisitive little girl to an independent-minded young woman, stolen moments reading about the empowered literary characters of Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott helped her to imagine an alternative way of life. She had no idea how to seize this dream that seemed to beckon to her from the skyscrapers of Manhattan, but she was determined to find a way. The tension between Deborah’s desires and her responsibilities as a good Satmar girl grew more explosive until, at the age of seventeen, she found herself trapped in a sexually and emotionally dysfunctional marriage to a man she had met for only thirty minutes before they became engaged. As a result, she experienced debilitating anxiety that was exacerbated by the public shame of having failed to immediately consummate her marriage and thus serve her husband. But it wasn’t until she had a child at nineteen that Deborah realized more than just her own future was at stake, and that, regardless of the obstacles, she would have to forge a path—for herself and her son—to happiness and freedom.
I have secrets too. Maybe Bubby knows about them, but she won’t say anything about mine if I don’t say anything about hers. Or perhaps I have only imagined her complicity; there is a chance this agreement is only one-sided. Would Bubby tattle on me? I hide my books under the bed, and she hides hers in her lingerie, and once a year when Zeidy inspects the house for Passover, poking through our things, we hover anxiously, terrified of being found out. Zeidy even rifles through my underwear drawer. Only when I tell him that this is my private female stuff does he desist, unwilling to violate a woman’s privacy, and move on to my grandmother’s wardrobe. She is as defensive as I am when he rummages through her lingerie. We both know that our small stash of secular books would shock my grandfather more than a pile of chametz, the forbidden leavening, ever could. Bubby might get away with a scolding, but I would not be spared the full extent of my grandfather’s wrath. When my zeide gets angry, his long white beard seems to lift up and spread around his face like a fiery flame. I wither instantly in the heat of his scorn. “Der tumeneh shprach!” he thunders at me when he overhears me speaking to my cousins in English. An impure language, Zeidy says, acts like a poison to the soul. Reading an English book is even worse; it leaves my soul vulnerable, a welcome mat put out for the devil.
Deborah Feldman was raised in the Hasidic community of Satmar in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, New York. She attends Sarah Lawrence College and lives in New York City with her son.
- The heroines in the books Deborah read as a girl were her first inspirations, the first to make her consider her own potential outside of her community. Which literary characters have inspired you?
One of O magazine's "10 Titles to Pick Up Now"
?eoeDeborah Feldman was raised in an insular, oppressive?world where she was taught that, as a woman, she wasn?e(TM)t capable of independent thought. But she found the pluck and determination needed to make the break from that world and has written a brave, riveting account of her journey. Unorthodox?is harrowing, yet triumphant.?e ?e"Jeannette Walls, #1 bestselling author of The Glass Castle and Half Broke Horses
?eoe[Feldman?e(TM)s] matter-of-fact style masks some penetrating insights.?e ?e"The New York Times
?eoeAn unprecedented view into a Hasidic community that few outsiders ever experience. . . . Unorthodox reminds us that there are religious communities in the United States that restrict young women to marriage and motherhood. These women are expected to be obedient to their community and religion, without question or complaint, no matter the price.?e ?e"Minneapolis Star-Tribune
?eoeRiveting . . . extraordinary.?e ?e"Marie Claire
?eoeEloquent, appealing, and just emotional enough . . . No doubt girls all over Brooklyn are buying this book, hiding it under their mattresses, reading it after lights out?e"and contemplating, perhaps for the first time, their own escape.?e ?e"HuffingtonPost.com
?eoeDeborah Feldman has stripped the cloak off the insular Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism, offering outsiders a rare glimpse into the ultraconservative world in which she was raised.?e ?e"Globe and Mail (Toronto)
?eoeCompulsively readable, Unorthodox relates a unique coming-of-age story that manages to speak personally to anyone who has ever felt like an outsider in her own life. Feldman bravely lays her soul bare, unflinchingly sharing intimate thoughts and ideas unthinkable within the deeply religious existence of the Satmars. . . . Teens will devour this candid, detailed memoir of an insular way of life so unlike that of the surrounding society.?e ?e"School Library Journal
?eoe[Feldman?e(TM)s] no-holds-barred memoir bookstores on February 14th. And it?e(TM)s not exactly a Valentine to the insular world of shtreimels, sheitels and shtiebels. Instead, [Unorthodox] describes an oppressive community in which secular education is minimal, outsiders are feared and disdained, English-language books are forbidden, mental illness is left untreated, abuse and other crimes go unreported . . . a surprisingly moving, well-written and vivid coming-of-age tale.?e ?e"The Jewish Week
?eoeImagine Frank McCourt as a Jewish virgin, and you've got Unorthodox in a nutshell . . . a sensitive and memorable coming-of-age story.?e ?e"Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
?eoe[Deborah Feldman's]?is an extraordinary story of struggle and dream. . . .? Both her escape and her decision to tell her story are magnificent acts of courage.?e ?e"Anouk Markovits, author of?I Am Forbidden?
?eoeUnorthodox is a fascinating book . . . Feldman?e(TM)s voice resonates throughout.?e ?e"The Jewish Daily Forward
?eoeDenied every kind of nourishment except the doughy, shimmering plates of food obsessively produced by her Holocaust-survivor grandmother . . . books nourish [Feldman?e(TM)s] spirit and put in her hands the liberatory power of storytelling. As she becomes a reader and then a writer, Feldman reinvents herself as a human being.?e ?e"Newsday (New York)
?eoeUnorthodoz is painfully good. . . .Unlike so many other authors who have left Orthodoxy and written about it, [Feldman?e(TM)s] heart is not hardened by hatred, and her spirit is wounded but intact. . . . She is a sensitive and talented writer.?e ?e"JewishJournal.com
?eoeUnorthodox is consistently engaging. And the very fact of it is touching. For years . . . [Feldman] examined library shelves, marveling that there were so many men and women who believed in their ?e~innate right . . . to speak their mind in whatever way they saw fit.?e(TM) That she has joined their ranks is remarkable indeed.?e ?e"BarnesandNobleReview.com
?eoeFeldman gives us special insight into a closed and repressive world. . . . Her memoir is fresh and tart and utterly absorbing.?e ?e"Library Journal
?eoeNicely written . . . [An] engaging and at times gripping insight into Brooklyn's Hasidic community.?e ?e"Publishers Weekly
?eoeA remarkable tale.?e ?e"Kirkus Reviews
?eoeFeldman?e(TM)s evolution as well as her look inside a closed community make for fascinating reading ?e? her storyteller?e(TM)s sense and a keen eye for details give readers a you-are-there sense of what it is like to be different when everyone else is the same.?e ?e"Booklist