This Book Is Full of Spiders
Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It
Publication Date: October 2013
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Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. This is not a metaphor. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fearmongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fearmongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That s just as well, since the cure involves learning what a chain saw tastes like. You can t feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You can t see it, because it decides what you see. You won t even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed. So what happens when your family, friends, and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We re all about to find out. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I m just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won t hold it against you if you re upset. I know that s just the spider talking."