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As a little kid, a boy would pinch the girl he liked. As a grown-up, Mark Svartz plans her ultimate demise through a number of twisted murder plots that involve lead pipes, escape routes, and David Hasselhoff. Some guys never grow up.

This book chronicles the eight months, sixteen days, and some-odd hours since Mark first laid eyes on the despicable, wretched wench he's destined to fight to the death. Every note, thought, IM, email, Post-It, and craigslist ad looking for a crime-scene clean-up is meticulously catalogued in Mark's journal.

Is it a diary of a mad man? Or a man madly in love? Who cares? It's seriously messed up. And seriously funny.

Mark Svartz is an author, artist, and award-winning advertising creative. Like most kids who were born and raised in Brooklyn, his lifelong dream was to write a book called "I Hate You, Kelly Donahue." Amazingly, he is the only one who succeeded. The others are all failures.